Being The Boy My Father Always Wanted Hurt My Love life

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Being The Boy My Father Always Wanted Hurt My Love life

I am one of six girls, five of which were a failed attempt by my parents at trying for a boy.

It didn’t seem to matter much to my dad. He loved his girls more than life and in his sight we could do no wrong. It was only as I grew older that I realised that subconsciously he had made up his mind that if he could not have boys with penises he would raise boys with virginas. Fueled with the fear that most men with female children have, of men treating them the way they have treated women in their past or if not them then the men around them, he did what he knew to protect us and that was to teach us to defend ourselves. It was no wonder that I had a defensive demeanor around men, always suspicious of their intent.

I was closest to my dad, having been born at a time in his life when his financial struggles were no more. He had the chance to play dad so I totally lucked out. My dad and I were joined at the hip and whilst I don’t remember ever having a conversation with him about anything profound his impact on my sisters and his administration of his love for me told me all I needed to know about how to be a boy.

I learnt that being left lobed (The part of the brain that deals with intellect) got you respect in our household. Always congratulated for a job well done with a firm handshake and never a hug. Being told he was proud but never that I was loved. Respect therefore became love. My creativity was accepted but not celebrated. It was about good grades so I could get a good job and not need to rely on any man. I was taught that being respected was far more important than being cherished. My dad made it clear that we were to be achievers and competitive.

He set a standard for men to reach that was so high few could meet it. In a culture were it is expected for women to kneel before men as an act of respect my father loathed and forbade it. We were not allowed to kneel before him or any man for that matter. To the western mind my dad’s actions seem more than noble and forward thinking but in fact fortified the notion that men were not worthy of the respect a woman had to give them (indeed not ALL are) and thus woman not worthy of the cherishing a man has to offer them. You see kneeling was not be about being subservient albeit it looked that way, it was showing honour for the man who protected, provided and cherished his family in the simplest way our forefathers could envisage. The man went into the wild and risked is life to feed his family, he went to war to ensure the safety of his family and he cherished his wife and children. She knelt in acknowledgment and honour.

Refusing to kneel was noble to my dominant masculine energy and that translated in denying any man the right to his thoughts, opinions, needing submission and yearning to lead in a relationship and leaving masculine men with no choice but to vacate the building in order to preserve themselves.

Masculine men leave masculine women!

The idea was equality in a time and culture where women were downtrodden and I am one for equality with men but as I explain in my book “Position for ‘I DO'” it is equality in substance not rank.

I was raised as a pure feminist taught me by my father. This worked out just fine for me. I found all things feminine weak and powerless. I needed to be as good if not better than a man so the more I abandoned my femininity and relegated it to the back seat I was going to win. I did just not in love.

I built a wonderful career in the beauty industry. Worked for the best surrounded by celebrities, lights and prestige. I was and am a focused and ambitious woman but there were areas I just was not winning!

My marriage was full of competition because there were two predominately masculine energies in the home. I longed to be cherished but only seemed to inspire arguments and fights when I demanded it.

I figured I had made the wrong choice in a spouse (and I had for multiple reasons) so when I got divorced I was going to find a man that would cherish me for my feelings but I was constantly ghosted by the men I wanted. I pursued them relentlessly and they ran. Men flocked to my exterior image. Always comfortable to dress like a girl after years in beauty. I remember a man telling me that I was so girly based on pictures he had seen but it wouldn’t take more than the second date before the man realised he was dating a man with a virgina and run.

The ones that didn’t run took what they could get first then they split with no conscience as they were in a transactional relationship. The more feminine men stuck around. They were attracted to my masculine energy but it wouldn’t be long before I lost attraction for them. They presented weak to whatever feminine energy I deemed to recognise. My feminine energy was starved and I was confused. I wanted a truly masculine man but couldn’t get one to stick around long enough to fall in love.

You see dearest, what my dad taught me was not wrong it was merely incomplete. It readied me for a successful career and had assisted me greatly on my entrepreneurial journey but rendered me powerless in love and love is what I craved the most. What I needed to learn was how to win in the game of love and the rules here were different.

The day I realised that my masculine energy was sabotaging my love life I began to embark on a journey to embrace that in me that is feminine and build upon it. You see beloved, feminine energy is intoxicating to masculine man. It will cause him to go to war with nations for it. A feminine woman can bring a man to his knees whilst letting him lead in the direction of her will.

There is nothing a feminine woman can ask of a masculine man that he will deny her. He lives to please her.

I will tell you what femininity is not:

  1. The clothes you wear. A tutu and a splash of pink don’t make you a feminine woman but they sure do help to remind you that you can be.
  2. Weak. Feminine energy is not by any stretch of the imagination weak neither is it strong. It is instead powerful and resilient
  3. Competitive. Feminine energy is complimentary to the masculine.
  4. Subservient. Feminine energy is submissive to that which she influences the masculine to lead in.
  5. Giving. Feminine energy is open, appreciative and receptive to the advances it signals for.
  6. Demanding and disrespectful. Feminine energy makes request of the masculine and affords him honour and respect in exchange for cherishing, protection and provision.
  7. Critical. Feminine energy nurtures and supports the masculine so he can continue to give her everything she requests

If you want to learn more about how to develop and your feminine energy to bring men to their knees then book a consultation with me via my website or grab a signed copy of my book from my website. For more education on dating and relationships visit my YouTube Channel “Chengi’s World” and look out for my online training on Mastering Feminine Energy COMING SOON!!!

Don’t forget to download my FREE guide of the 4 Simple Steps to get the love you crave and deserve

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