Recently I was asked a question. This question is perhaps the most potent question you can ask a troubled mind or indeed trouble a mind at rest.
I paused to compose myself whilst I had a rather surprise yet mild meltdown. I must have failed to disguise my dis-ease because I was graciously granted permission to refuse to answer the question in that moment and perhaps answer it at a later date. I took a deep breath and with surprising grace answered “Something PROFOUND”. Glasses were raised and a toast was made to “Something Profound”.
Soon it was the end of a pleasant evening and as I drove home I kept asking myself why that question was so uncomfortable to answer? I have it all but scripted. I know how to answer that question in any scenario. This time was different. This time I was unable to detach my emotions from the outcome. Perhaps the answer had changed?? Perhaps I was afraid…
“WHAT WAS THE QUESTION???!!!” You want to know. The question was ding ding ding….
WHAT DO YOU WANT??
Don’t you roll your eyes at me! Remember when you were moaning about your job or your relationship and the other person turned around, looked you in your eye and asked you what you WANT instead of your current situation and suddenly telling your truth felt as outrageous as saying that you wanted to join the REAL Starship Enterprise and discover new worlds. Ok, that example might be a little way out there but don’t judge me. I love Star Trek.
So, lets keep it real for a brief minute whilst no one is watching. We both know we gave up asking of life the things we TRULY want. It was so long ago we can’t even remember when we finally bought the lie that it was ‘too late’, we are somehow in some way ‘unworthy’ needed to be ‘realistic’, worried about a loss of social esteem, or enthroned our fear of rejection. The truth is we have invested almost a lifetime conditioning ourselves to cope with what we DON’T want it hardly seems logical to invest anymore time, emotional energy and thought in what we DO want.
If you have read all the way to this paragraph dear reader, then you deserve to know my truth. This is my truth. I want an anchor, a foundation, a fixed point. I want reliable, dependable, consistent and safe. I want a ROCK! Yes that’s what I want! My life is fluid, constantly transitional, often uncertain and very unpredictable. It’s what makes me fun, bubbly, creative, abundant and the kind of girl that people want to know but even the a flag needs a pole, a ship an anchor, a plane a landing strip, you get where I am going with this right? As much as I want this in a mate I realise that I too would need to be that for him. That’s how we survive and thrive in life. Without the other person granting us permission to soar and being there when we land we are bound to exhaust ourselves in the sky . The modern world calls this commitment and the ancient world calls it marriage.
I want an anchor, a foundation, a fixed point. I want reliable, dependable, consistent and safe. I want a ROCK! Yes that’s what I want!
You see dear reader; it’s not what I said for all the reasons I have already mentioned but I forgot one and that is because I made it about the other person. It’s always easy to make it about the other person when it’s about us and the crippling little fears we are feeding in the back garden of our souls. It is ALWAYS about us. Owning our truth and letting that truth vibrate at a frequency that would either call the ROCK forth or free a soul to its skies.
So, next time someone asks you “WHAT DO YOU WANT” sit up, look them in the eye, smile and speak your truth. It’s not about them it’s about YOU.
Stay you and Stay true!